And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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