Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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