You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
