Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
