You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
