You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
