Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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