I wish I only lived at night.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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