she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize