I think my vagina is haunted
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
