"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
