fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
