had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
