You can't motorboat a personality
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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