question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
