So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
