Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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