I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
