careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
