yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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