My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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