friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
