Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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