'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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