i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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