remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
