well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone signed my nipple.
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