The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
