How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
