I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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