Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
