is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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