i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
