i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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