well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think a kid would responsible me up
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
