The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
only you would photoshop your dick
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
