Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
