Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
