it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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