Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
