You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
