I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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