my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
