So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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