I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i need an iv and a liver transplant
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
