She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
