Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
