it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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