Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
