just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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