tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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