Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
