I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
