my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
