I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
