it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
