farters have to be the big spoon...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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