It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
