we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just had sex bonerless
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
