Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
