I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
