dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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